Your first time in the newborn intensive care unit is extremely overwhelming and sometimes even terrifying. Here are some tips to help you survive your baby's stay.
#1-Be there when you can. Don't feel guilty about when you can't. Be realistic. No one can be at the NICU for every care/feeding time. Do not feel bad if you can only make it once a day or even have to miss some days. I didn't have any other obligations besides pumping, sleeping, and eating and I was still only able to be there 3-4 out of their 8 care times each day. I know it feels like you should be with your babies 24/7, but they need a mom who takes care of herself.
#2-You can breastfeed if you want to. I think I was lucky because I picked a hospital that was very pro-breastfeeding. After my babies were born one of the nurses came to tell me some things about the NICU and she said that regardless of my long-term plans for breastfeeding they wanted me to start pumping because giving preemies their mom's colostrum is so important. I was spoiled by getting to use the NICU lactation nurses for help whenever I wanted. I've heard some people say they didn't get good breastfeeding support in their NICU and formula was pushed on them, and that makes me sad. I want you to know that it really is possible to get your NICU babies nursing! Of course there are things that might make it not work out, but for the majority of you, with lots of determination you can make it happen. It was really, really hard in the early days. They were several weeks old before we even got to try latching. Soon before they went home we had worked up to two breastfeeding attempts per day. After they came home, we slowly worked up the amount of times we tried every day. I would try to nurse them, then finish their feeding with a bottle, then go pump. It was exhausting and took so much effort. But I knew it would pay off when I could finally ditch the pump. I've heard some people like exclusively pumping, but I was not a fan. It took until a couple weeks after their due date before I got them both exclusively nursing. If you make it that far, celebrate! If for some reason you don't, it's okay, I promise your baby will be just fine because they have a mother willing to try so hard to do the best she can for them!
#3-Don't feel like you have to let anyone visit. Having a baby in the NICU is an experience that no one can really understand until they've had their own NICU baby. It can be extremely overwhelming. If what you need is to be alone with your baby and having other people there will cause you extra stress, then that is what you should do. Everyone else can see the baby when he/she is healthy. This time is about your new little family. You really should be limiting their contact with other people as much as possible anyways, especially during the winter months. Having a baby in the NICU is something that you can only understand once you've done it yourself. You don't need to take the advice of people who haven't had NICU babies.
#4-Ask people to come with you if you want them to. On the flip side, if you need emotional support, ask for it! There are lots of people who would love to be a shoulder for you to cry on when you need it. They might be able to help you feel happy about your baby when they come ooh and aah over them and remind you that you can be proud of the little baby you gave birth to.
#5-You are the mom, so you're in charge. It is so easy to feel intimidated in the hospital environment. There are nurses who have done this a million times and doctors who have studied premature infants for years, and that can make you feel like you don't really have a say in anything that happens to your child. I definitely believe that you should listen to and consider what your baby's care providers have to say, but the bottom line is you are the mother and you get to make the decisions for your child's care. If you don't feel comfortable with something, speak up! I've noticed that opinions differ even between different nurses and doctors, so you don't have to take everything they say as gospel. Do your research, and trust your mother's intuition.
#6-Don't be afraid to ask questions. Your baby might be hooked up to a million different tubes and being given all kinds of stuff. You will probably feel very confused by it all. Your baby's nurse is there to help you! Ask her what each of those things are for. Knowing what is going on can really help you feel more comfortable there.
#7-It can be hard to feel like a 'real mom' when your baby is in the NICU. Your baby might not look like what you expected a newborn to look like if they were born premature. It might be hard to feel connected to them when they are covered with all kinds of wires and tubes. When nurses spend more time than you do taking care of your baby, it makes you feel more like a visitor than an actual mother. Asking for permission to touch or hold your baby is strange and makes you feel like you're simply a guest there. These are all normal feelings. But know that you are just as much of a mother as any other mom.
#8-Kangaroo care/skin to skin. Start skin-to-skin as soon as possible. It is so good for your babies and for you too! I liked to wear a hospital gown with the opening in the front so I didn't feel as exposed. There are so many benefits to kangaroo care, especially for premature/ill infants. There are websites dedicated to this so I'll let them explain the pros of skin-to-skin.
#9-Get enough sleep. If there could be a silver lining to having a NICU baby, it's that you get a few days, weeks, or months to recover from childbirth before you have a baby to care for 24/7. You might not get a full night's sleep, especially if you are waking every 3 hours to pump, but do your best to get as much rest as possible. You are already under so much extra stress because of your baby's condition. Adding sleep deprivation to that will not help anyone. Take care of yourself so you can give your best to your baby.
#10-Take it one day at a time. Sometimes it feels like your baby will never get to come home. There was a day that I was getting extremely frustrated about that, and then the next day I was told they would be coming home the following afternoon. Your NICU stay will feel endless, but I promise your time will come and soon the NICU will be a distant memory. You can do this!
Did you have a NICU baby? Leave your tips below!
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